When I have periods of intense sadness, I have an incredible urge to write poetry, to articulate how I feel. This is in no specific poetic format. This poem was written shortly after one of my good friends passed away.
Plunged into the abyss of darkness
it was him
he was killed
instantly, earth slows to a halt
— everything is still,
the eerie calm before the storm
the thin veneer of reality; hardened, struck, and shattered
nothing else matters
the walls built so mightily, crumble to sand and slip between your fingers
why God oh why
have you not mercy on the young, on the righteous
have you not witnessed the goodness that prevailed through him
for it was You who felt his essence, his purity
why God have you layeth down a thin cloth of pastel grey before my eyes
why God have you tainted the hearts of the ones we love with everlasting grief
why God have you taken him so early
God have mercy on him, and I, for I do not know what to think, to act, nor to do
water hath shed upon the cracked earth
for I do not recall the last time a tear was shed
a river bed whose rocks were dry for years
what feels like an eternity since I saw him last, was only a few weeks ago
Cursed is thy who wishes time would flow, cursed is thy who wishes time would cease
For both are wanted, but neither is desired
For we pray time to hasten when in pain,
And we recount the time we had when we wish it was upon us once again
We are never satisfied
We are tormented by ourselves
By our judgment
By our expectations
By what we could have done
By what we should have done
Given a second chance,
We would be tormented all the same
With the only difference being
By what we could not do
We think if only we could go back in time, things would be different.
But would they? Why do we need to know the wrong doings of our past actions,
to prevent inaction today. For if we do the infeasible, and travel back in time, then
we are not the same person we were before. We now carry the burden of what
could have been, and what should have been. What we could have done, and should have done differently.
This burden was not carried before, but only after.
After the phoenix is born again.
After Jonah returns from the belly of the whale.
After we return to order, from chaos.
But only if we survive.