I don’t know.
Why I feel this way
A sharp hole through my heart,
Every moment I think of us apart
I stare at you from afar,
Through our photos of stars,
The memories, once shinning, were so grand,
We felt each other’s warmth in our hand
But today I feel gloom,
Resting beneath the moon,
Gazing at the stars,
Seeing a past so bright,
Fading away with each passing night.
What we had was beautiful,
Stark, and heavenly fruitful
But a lie I spewed,
An inner turmoil ignited,
The Godly weight on my shoulders,
Taken out on your soul
Pretending I shared Him with you
Will your name ring true only in my head,
For what once brought me warmth and joy
now brings me to tears
After a breakup, I tried to forget. I tried to dismiss. But each time I scrolled through my photos, trying to find an older, unrelated photo, I would inevitably see her and I. Each photo like a star in the sky, whose light fades each passing night. I looked at her from afar, from the screen between my hands, hands that once felt her warmth.
In the beginning, a characteristic quality she was looking for, was a Christian. I was not. But I tried to lie to myself, and ultimately her, thinking I could fool myself. Because I adored every other part of her. But her faith was as integral to her as my lungs are to me, and I foolishly thought otherwise. The weight of the lie initially grew slowly, but over time grew exponentially. So on this night, I again saw her photos, and again broke down in tears. Tears for the pain I caused, and the hard lesson I learned. Pain aimed at a resilient, strong soul who walks with God.